A Letter from Ray

Ray wrote this letter January 14, 1997 while visiting Mel at the hospital. Mel was hanging on to life by a thread and was not alert. He never gained enough strength and concentration to read this letter.

"Mel, I hope and pray that you will be able to read this yourself. If I could go back in time I would not change much. Well, a couple of things. I would have been a better brother. For a while I was ashamed because you were not like me. You didn't walk like me, talk like me, you didn't like the things I liked. But somehow we managed to grow up together and as we got older we went in different directions.

I still remember when Mom got us that apartment. Though I did not show it I was excited. You and I often pretended late at night when everyone was in bed that Mom's house was ours. That was fun. You called it Mel's Diner and I called it Ray's Truck Stop. I wish she was here now. She would make things all better. I know she would.

Mel, I know you would trade in that part of your youth you never had. I wish I knew what I know now. I would have protected you from anything harmful, things that caused you pain and things that made you sad. I would not let you jump that ramp on that bike that wrecked your teeth.

Remember that great Christmas we had? We got all the normal presents teens get. Mom drove us over to Aunt Dell's and we walked into the kitchen and WOW!, we were totally surprised. That was one of the best Christmas's I ever had.

I wish I did not put my brakes on that one time and made you crash. I felt so bad when I walked out in the living room late that night and saw that cast on your arm. I wanted to be the first one to sign it!

The popcorn kernel, I guess I wanted to see what would happen........Boy, did I ever! Mom was so mad at me. You know, I never did that again.

As I have been remembering things, I could not possibly write down all the things we did and our life we shared as twins. I do know one thing for sure, I would not want any other brother in the whole wide world.

I did not show you how much I really cared about you in those earlier days. You see I have always loved you and always will! When I think of my brother I often think of that song (I would sing it to you but I would ruin it) it goes something like this 'la de da de da.....he ain't heavy, he's my brother....'

I'm not ready to sing 'Seasons in the Sun', but if you are thats OK. If you are tired and want to go, thats OK too.

Knowing you lived your life the way you wanted makes me happy. You always were there to help me. When Mom left I admired your strength. I hope I have that strength like you do. If you decide to go ... could you pop into one of my dreams like Mom does once in a while just to let me know that you are OK and doing well. (I won't be scared.)

If you decide to stay ... you may continue your jokes about my thinning hair. Perhaps we can have a contest: who stays looking the youngest. I think you would win!

Final note: Your courage and warm heart always made me proud. Very few would have stood up and fought with the vigor and tenacity that you have. You are my hero."

- Raymond